By Rabbi Yosef Pinkus
Dear Rabbi,
I just finished college and am on the job market for the first time. I am torn about whether I should be looking only for jobs here in Dallas, where I grew up, or whether I should also be looking elsewhere. Does the Torah say anything about this?
—Talia
Regarding a place to live, everyone’s circumstances are different, with professions, schooling and relationships all making an impact on where you choose to settle down. Putting those aside, and assuming the familial relationships are healthy, we do see a tremendous value in the Torah accorded to living in the same area as one’s family.
Genesis 35:27 says, “And Jacob came to Isaac his father, at Mamre in Kirat Arba, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac lived.” The commentators, most notably Don Isaac Abarbanel, point out that the ending of that verse — “where Abraham and Isaac lived” — is unnecessary to the narrative of Jacob’s travels. They suggest it was included specifically to demonstrate the importance of settling in an area near one’s family.
Why would this be the case? Well, the importance of family runs through many areas of Jewish life. The commandment to honor one’s father and mother is one of the Ten Commandments for a reason. Additionally, many of our rituals and holidays center on family. Think about Passover. The traditional understanding of the seder is that parents have an obligation to transmit the story to their children. That responsibility sets the tone for the evening. Many of the routines and rituals are designed for maximum engagement of the young at the table. Living in the same city creates the conditions for those kinds of experiences to happen naturally, and that is quite valuable.
To clarify for those reading this and feeling guilty about living long distances from family, this is not a Jewish law. It is simply a clear point of emphasis. Presumably, at least some of these benefits can be gained through phone calls, holidays and vacations. While it is not the same, those of us farther removed should take heed of this biblical emphasis and try to invest more in our families.
The social science is clear as well. Deep ties with family bring added satisfaction and happiness to our lives. The Torah does not demand that you live in your parents’ city and remain unemployed. Far from it. But if one can arrange one’s life in a way that makes living near family possible, then it is strongly encouraged.
On the broader question of location, once you figure out your profession, I imagine you will turn to finding a specific neighborhood in which to live. Whether a temporary rental or a more permanent situation, settling down requires careful thought. Pirkei Avot teaches that one should consider the character of the people living in the place where one settles down. The text advises “pushing away from an evil neighbor.” The understanding is that living among good people will influence you to do well — and, unfortunately, the reverse is also true. So staying near family provides a double benefit of both family and good neighbors! I wish you the best of luck on your job search.
Rabbi Yosef Pinkus is a rabbi in the Dallas Community Kollel, a division of the Dallas Area Torah Association. Submit your questions to him at asktherabbi@tjpnews.com.