Hopes and dreams aren’t always realities; neither are realities always present in hopes and dreams. I’ve found out both are truly truths since moving here to our community’s Legacy Midtown Park at the end of May: not quite eight months yet, but time has proved how slow motion and speed can be either friends or enemies, and may actually turn out to be both at the same time…

Here are my basics: family. I’ve never had enough of that — not even close — since moving to Dallas. I arrived here in the winter of 1980 as a second-time bride, newly married to an old friend of many years. His wife had passed away; my husband had disappeared after his new life choices made it clear that divorce was our only option. My son and daughter were long grown, both anticipating marriages of their own soon after; my second spouse’s only child was just entering high school. I told him from the first that I did not want to be his mother; he’d already had that, and lost it. What I wanted was to be his friend, which turned out to be more difficult than either of us had imagined, but we made our own kinds of peace with the new arrangement. Sadly, it was rather a necessary truce, not a comfortable peace.

Why am I telling you all this now? Because of my new life: husband buried close to a decade ago, his child grown but alone on his own, my son and daughter far away with their own children and, already, a couple of grandchildren. Things never did work out in accordance with my hopeful future dreams and plans. But in childhood I had absorbed the wisdom of my very wise father: “Take what life hands you and make the best you can of it, because THAT’S ALL THERE IS!” He had learned this from his own often-sad experiences; I am still learning to accept my own…

My life before Legacy was filled with simple but satisfying experiences: being part of a synagogue that satisfied both my worship and social needs…continued writing, the work I love… serving my various communities in different ways, including on boards and committees…leading group discussions…presenting book reviews to many different audiences. Now, I face the realities of limited night driving and sorely limited transportation available when I cannot drive myself. And I find the wide circle of friends and activities I thought would stay the same has become so much smaller, even in a place filled with so many people; I offer my skills, but they are not always recognized, wanted or taken advantage of.

But I try. And I will continue to try. My residence here has been fraught with some disturbances: I was “marooned” alone in a closed elevator between floors during a four-hour electrical failure, and suffered through the miseries of identity theft after a credit card I handed over to a server in a friendly Dallas restaurant I thought I knew well: The server I was unlucky enough to give that card to was an unfriendly thief…

Well, you get the idea. I’m not complaining about these things; they can happen to anyone, but they have taken their toll on both my physical and mental health. I’m not shy about seeking care and counseling as needed, but healing comes much more slowly than the difficulties caused by such incidents. So here I am now, offering truth, and just hoping this will keep you reading, since I fully intend to keep on writing. So: thanks to all of you, in advance, from Harriet.

Harriet Gross can be reached at
harrietgross1@gmail.com.